Home from the concert!~10.26.09

I just got home from the concert band/jazz band concert. It was pretty good. I really liked this piece that concert band performed. It was called "Disney at the Movie." As for jazz band, I always enjoy everything they play. ^_^ I wanted to go and support Jeffrey, since I've only been to one band concert. He only said one word to me though: "Hey." I mean, I can't really complain because that's still better than what I had expected and was preparing for. I didn't think he was going to say anything to me; I didn't even think that he was really going to notice that I was there. I guess it's good that he acknowledged my existence. I told him "good job," and he just laughed...I can't decide whether it was because he didn't think they did a very good job, or if he thought I was being sarcastic. I truly believe that he knows I went for him though...whether he's in denial or not. I believe that; he's not that stupid.

Something hit me today. I can't get myself to focus on anything. My mind is so full with...stuff. I'm not myself; there's definitely something wrong with me. Take the spring musical for example. Anyone that knows me knows that I am really dedicated to our spring musical. I've been doing musicals every year since the 6th grade, and I've gotten a good number of lead roles. The sad thing is that we got our audition script and music about two weeks ago, and I just managed to make myself pick it up and look at it for the first time TODAY. I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel like there's so much on my mind. I can't think straight. Normally, I would've had the audition piece and everything memorized from top to bottom, left to right, front to back. I would've watched the movie already and looked up the character analysis, but I've done nothing this year. I get sad every single time we sing "Music of My Heart" in Chamber Choir because it reminds me of Jeffrey. My friend Sara was talking about how every time we sang that song, she would picture her boyfriend busting through the door and tell her everything will be okay. (She and her boyfriend were going through some rough times.) When she said that, it made me realize how much I wanted that. I want Jeffrey to just come and tell me that everything will be okay. I really do. I nearly cried when we were singing that song today. I couldn't even sing all the words because I would start choking up. It was bad. Now I just randomly tear up because the thought of him telling me everything will be okay will just come to my mind whenever they please. It must sound really pathetic. >.<

Oh yeah, I drew pictures on the foggy windows of Jason's car today. I was bored, and he was doing homework. He was going to go to Books-A-Million (BAM), but we ended up just sitting in his car in the parking lot. -_-;







"Battlefield" by Jordin Sparks is one of Jason's new favorite songs, but he doesn't like to admit it.

My favorite by far...

♫ Music of My Heart - NSYNC feat. Gloria Estefan